Thursday, March 4, 2010

Get the Farce On for Larsson - To the Promised Land we Go!

I'd be surprised if anyone at all reads this (hi mang!), but just breaking the defunctedness to address the trade deadline very very briefly.

Lubo, Grebs, Staios: all gone by deadline.

Souray, Smid: both out with injuries.

Prognosis: The Fall for Hall is more than official, it's just a bout a done deal.

My only hope is that The Oilers suck eggs hard enough next year to grab Larrson, basically a once in a generation talent on the blue.

That leaves the Oilers with a ridiculously enticing core of young players to grow with. Hey, if you're going to tank, tank hard and fast and get it done with. None of this "build a playoff team on the fly while rebuilding" nonsense. Just raze the whole rotting structure to the ground. You can try to put it support beams, replace the cabinets, but in the end a shithole is a shithole. Get rid of it. Start fresh.

Speaking of structures, how about that new Arena? Weird that there would be a rebuild of talented youth that reaches it's most competitive (and possible Cup winning) years might just coincide with a shiny bright Arena to house them, isn't it?



nice core of vets if we keep them


nice group of high draft picks


up and comers

Fill that out with some hardworking vets and you got yourself a team.

So, really, if it means another few years of terrible hockey, why not? I'm used to it anyway, at least now I'll know I have something to look forward to!



Saturday, November 22, 2008

I've abandoned my blog!


I've abandoned my blog!

I've abandoned my team!


Decent first 20, Oilers are winning near as much as they're losing and even at this sad clip finish up at the end of the season with what? 96 points?

That's playoffs, baby.

But I swear to Christ if they go deaf I'm sending them away.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Playing Games

You know how when you were first learning the game of love? The more the object of your passion ignored you, the harder you'd try?

Yeah, you know. Sucker.

Well, it seems as if the more I ignore the Oilers the better they perform. Yes, as an individual fan of course I wield that much power.


Thursday, October 30, 2008

This time for sure

Predators, Oilers...someone's gotta win.

I predict the Oilers to win huge. With the Hugest goals anyone has ever seen. Huge saves, too.


(woops, wrong photo...fixed.)


Sunday, October 26, 2008

Stop Reading the Internets!

Are you an Edmonton Oiler?

Then what are you doing reading the blogs? Seriously, this shit'll mess you up. If this was how I checked in on my performance I'd go crawl in a hole somewhere and never come out again. Even the fair stuff can be brutal.

When you have to perform at the top of your game, highs and lows can be killer. Reading that fans are disappointed and angry isn't going to help you "even out your game", it's only going to plant doubt in your head. On the other side of the coin, buying into your own press about "how great you are" screws you the other way around. You stop giving it the same try.

Unless you're Zach Stortini, that is. Apparently, according to Oilers PR and David Staples, you either don't know how to read or you're too stupid to figure out the power button on your laptop. I have a cartoon coming for you, by the way.

I know, it's fun to google your name and see what people are saying, or maybe those Covered in Oil guys have something funny up, or (most likely) you just want to see what your score is on the Hot Off, but please:


Focus on your family, your health and having fun.

Forget about stats (even joking about it while mic'd up killed Reasoner's numbers), and stop squeezing your sticks.

Remember the end of last season? You guys just went out there, kicked ass and didn't even bother with taking names, you had nothing to lose. Maybe that should be your approach again. Sure, it's important to win every game you can because of all the games you'll lose, but grinding them out is going to wear you down faster than gravel on skin (I've wiped out way too many times, I know what it's like to pick the stones and sand out of your own quivering flesh wounds).

Have some fun.

If you must read these frikken blogs then don't internalize this garbage.

It's just a game. I know you're competitive and that's great, but keep feeling frustration and that's all your body will accept when you strap on those pads. You'll already have lost the game.

Look at Gretzky the player vs Greztky the coach, man.

'Nuff said.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

What News Cold Wind?

A wind blows in from the west, sometimes peppered with rain, sometimes burdened with icy chips of snow, and following along with it will come news of either victory or defeat at the hands of the thrice damned Canucks.

Tonight we discover the mettle of our lads from Edmonton. Tonight we see if there are deeper wells of strength and determination than hither we have observed on the ice sheets of October. This night, our boys will fight to hold their heads high after demolishing an ever unworthy foe in godless Vancouver.

Our prayers go with you, Sons of Petroleum, Princes of Oil. They go fighting the bitter yowlings of a tempest blown, full of sound and fury, but like those bastards of the coastal game, signifying...nothing. Our wishes scale the cold rock of stormy mountain, descend the black depths of shadowed vale. They stop in for a cup of Cinnamon Dolce Latte at Starbucks, but ever to go, to go forward to the arena.

Like seers of another, more mystical age, we will look deep into our magic pools, spying the events as they occur while demonic voices sound in our ears, interpreting the play we shall witness unfold before us.

We will know of your highs and lowes, of your moments of shame and pinnacles of greatness.

Fare thee well, warriors, and return anon.





Friday, October 24, 2008

The Coming Storm

There's a storm brewing, true believers, and it's looking to be a mess.

Players who have been or are out 6 games in:

Sheldon Souray
Sam Gagner
Fernando Pisani
Shawn Horcoff
Steve Staios (non-injured, out for family reasons)

Player who hasn't been in:

Ales Hemsky


Can the Edmonton Oilers reasonably compete when six of the expected top performers aren't even in the line-up half the time? I know it's early, but if this club has shown me anything over the past couple of years it's that injuries are going to happen.

Have the Oilers gotten this under their collective belt early, or is it just an indication of things to come? Is it bad luck, training, playing philosophy? What ever it is, there have been too many injuries taking out players on a team that already looks ineffective and sluggish.

While the 4-0-0 start was exciting, I'm sure everyone can agree that it didn't look like the Oilers deserved those *wins, but they pulled them out anyway.

To be fair, with Hemsky and Horcoff out last year, the young guys stepped up and everyone took their game to the next level giving us fans that nice little winning streak to tease us all summer. What would you do if you were Craig MacTavish on Saturday?

Sit Hemsky?

Let him play out the "first month blues"?

Forget salary and put the right players on the right lines in the right positions instead of forcing the entire team to be the square peg?

Never, ever, ever play MacIntyre and Stortini on the same line again?

Look, that Brodziak, Stortini, Glencross line was lightning in a bottle and I'm sure it's tempting to think you can get that again with a few blends, but let's face it: GlenX was the straw that stirred that particular drink.

Anyway, a day off for the Oilers, let's hope they find their legs.


*they probably deserved the Calgary tilt, but only after that abysmal first period.


Thursday, October 23, 2008


Natural Disasters vs. Ecological Disasters
7:30pm MST
Sportsnet, CHED

After a game where it looked like everyone on the team spent the night before partying on NyQuil and Alka-Seltzer, let's hope the Edmonton Oilers get some jump in their step for tonight's tilt against the Colorado Avalanche. In Denver, Colorado - where the oxygen is both rarefied and scarce....

Something tells me this isn't going to be as easy as it sounds, especially if Hemsky is still a no-show. Opinion Alert! Kids, if you've been surfing the nets and are looking for real Edmonton Oilers news, there is one and only one official source for all your Edmonton Oilers content, and this ain't it. Alert Over.

What's with Hemsky? Is he still injured? Did the surgery affect his confidence and/or ability to dangle and wrist the puck? He's been slow out there, and although he has 4 assists he's just been average and barely that. Is it an illness? Did he catch mono? What gives?

I mean, I can relate to phoning it in, and after a few years of making millions, money would no longer be motivation to perform so I feel for the guy and I hope what's going on is just temporary. If it's not physical, well, maybe Horc's psychologist can help out but something's very off-kilter here. What with Staios' family issue and the Oilers' poor performance last night, I can't help but wonder if something happened to take the wind out of this club.

Well, here's hoping for the best for this squad. If they actually pull out a win, maybe it'll look a little something like this:

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Loxy Makes A Good point

Remember when Loxy and Grabia did that podcast?

You don't? Well, that's understandable. It was posted over a year ago with a few technical difficulties and then there was never any follow-up. It's too bad, too, because it was a beaut. Sure, a little rough around the edges, but for a first attempt it did all right.

In the comments of the "attention grab" post below, Loxy mentioned a YouTube debut. Now, I'll be honest, you don't want to see me in video (isn't print bad enough?), but we all know Lox is easy on the eyes.

What there's room for here, and I've tossed the concept around with friends, is an expanded media element to all this interminable "blogging". Personally, I'd love for Grabia and Loxy to to team up again and offer quick, 5 or ten minute musings on the Oilers and whatever. I'd love to see someone take up the YouTube route and do some video blogging/discussion.

Instead of reading about some of the things that happened at the bar while watching Pay-Per-View, why not record it, edit it down to the gems and post it the next day as a game follow up? You could have quick man on the street interviews, crazy fan interviews, hell, phone up bloggers across the world and get some opinions, explanations, etc.

On a further note, I know when I first started speedboating around the computer tubes I was mystified by all the tech terms relating to stats. Still am! A beginners guide somewhere would likely get a lot of attention, be fun to compile and help out a lot of fans, thereby raising the quality of discussion above "saw him good".

And now I've used up my alotted thinking time for the day. Back to BDSM jokes with Jabba the Hutt....

Look at me!

Hey you. Yes, you, the person reading this sentence right here.

No, the other one.


Listen, if what you read here isn't making you throw up a little in your mouth on a regular basis, I'm extending an invitation.

That's right, an invitation.

Just simply click over there <---------

And become a True Believer.

If you're like me, you don't want to miss a thing I write.

That is, if you're super cool enough...


(there's also the rss feed if you scroll down a bit)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

A Quick Story

In my third stint as a career alcoholic, I found myself drinking at Joey's on Jasper Avenue. What can I say? Home was few blocks away and the eye candy was in full effect.

Should we jump back before going forward? hmmm...Okay, let's do that. Let's take a trip into the distant past where we find ourselves on Whyte Avenue, home of the trendily damned. My first stint of dissolution was at the perennial Old Strathcona hotel, or "the Strat". That and alleys. And alone at home.

Fast forward ten years and I was at the Commercial Hotel (the Commie, Blues on Whyte) just about every single frakking night drinking piss beer and getting an education on the blues. I call this Phase Two. I'd occasionally wander over to the Black Dog but really, from where I was coming from, they were all just pretty kids trying to look dirty and "keep it real". Except me and my friends, who were totally different and completely awesome and kept it even real-er....


Back to the Story

So here I was at Joey Tomatoes, flirting with the bartendress and with the thought of hopping over to Red Star Pub when who should walk in but Ryan Smyth! Smytty, even.

I was, at the time, in a phase of disinterest with hockey and if it weren't for the girl I had been dating, probably wouldn't have even noticed him. But as it was I did notice, and since I was slightly drunk I decided to get his autograph for her.

Now let me pause here a moment and say this:

If anyone ever thinks of doing that, don't. Just Don't.

As soon as I reached his table where he had just sat down, I already felt like a grade-A creep. Then I asked for his Hancock and felt even smarmier. His wife glared at me and I probably shrunk about two feet. What was I thinking?

But you know what? Smyth smiled, said sure, and proceeded to give me his time, his attention and his autograph. Here I am a grown man interrupting his evening with his wife, and Ryan Smyth treats me with respect and cordiality.

Oilers play the Avs on Thursday, which put me in mind of Grabia's piece he wrote last year about Smyth's Return. A year later and I find those same old feelings sprouting up again. Even though he plays for "the enemy" and tens of thousands of fans seem to equate him with CFP or Brickboy, personally I'll be rooting for him. Not for his team but for him.

In my books, Smyth is the kind of guy the league should be imminently proud of and from both my personal experience and everything I've read about him, Edmonton should be proud that we once had this guy representing our city.

Good Luck Smytty.

And thanks for the autograph. It was a hit.



As in, stuff.

Not to be confused with stuffed. Me want food.

People can get all the cutting edge content they need right here on the Oilers official Website

No, what I'm talking about here is "content", Oilers Style™. In fact, I'm not the one talking about it all, but others are. Others like Alan Watt and J.J. Hebert as interviewed by David Staples.

If you like cray-zay, you'll looove this article.


Warning! Apropo of nothing, Star Wars is my official filler for this post!


And now for something that actually does makes me content. Andy Grabia -of Battle of Alberta- has posted a great article concerning honours done to Mr. Joey Moss.

You know what makes a community great? The people, that's what. And if a corporation that spends 100 million dollars a year to put a product on the ice can engender some of that good community spirit, then good on 'em.

But they're not getting my 17 bucks a shot for Pay-Per-View this year. That's right. As small as my action is, I'm taking it nonetheless. As Princess Leia is so fond of saying, "If money is all you care about, then that's exactly what you'll receive."

Only in this case they won't. And they're not anything like Han Solo. So analogies aren't my strong suit.

Who knew?

In my ridiculous opinion, the Oilers PR department screwed up royally on this whole issue and until I'm a gruntled customer again I'll listen to Stauffer and his newly neutered blandness, or better yet: find some illicit Live Blogging to read, since Everyone knows it takes the place of actually watching the game, and in no way is Live Blogging a fan crafted companion to the game, making it more enjoyable for everyone involved. Not at all.

My eyes just rolled out of my skull from all that eye rolling.

So, dear true believers, you all look fantastic from down here on the dusty floor. All four of you.

How about that original Star Wars trailer?